Our
Contributor Heather once again has made us ask ourselves another important life
question.. Do Women Really Have More Than Men? Dating can always be very
trickery.. but do us women expect more or do both women and men share
equal expectations? Check out her thoughts here!
“That’s
the thing with women, they have all these expectations.”
This
is a sentence I’m sure would start a fiery debate and probably has.
As
an opinionated, independent woman, it’s true that I’m full of expectations, but
I don’t feel like they are more excessive than any other person… let alone a
man. I
may be much more vocal about them, but I’ve always thought it’s better to know
someone’s expectations so you’re aware of what exactly you’re getting into or
dealing with.
I’ve
never bought into the saying of “no expectations, no disappointments.” To me,
that’s like saying, “no risks, no failure.” Talk about a very predictable and
uneventful life. Of
course, no one lives for disappointments; they suck, but expectations are what
helps us create our ideal world.
Deciding
which gender has more expectations is fuel for a “he said, she said,” men
versus women all-out brawl. These
debates are bound to happen when discussing which gender is “better,” even
though we all know we bring different things to the table as men and women.
But,
I wanted to see if the statement that women have more expectations than men had
any truth to it.In
doing some research and speaking with some friends — both men and women — this
is what I found:
Women
And Our Expectations
If
you lead with a question like, “What expectations do you have of men?” you are
bound to get a list that starts with gentlemanly qualities, like opening doors,
being romantic, being able to fix everything, being sensitive, manly, smart,
etc. In
conversations and research, here are a few expectations that were brought up
more than once:
Pay
For The First Date
Although
some may feel like this is a cliché, I’m apart of the group that doesn’t.
And, according to NerdWallet, about 77 percent of those in
heterosexual relationships believe the same thing.
What
it comes down to is women like romance.
You
can blame all the Disney fairytale movies or romantic comedies we; paying
for the first date is not only something women expect, but it’s a way for guys
to show that masculine side women like so much.
Regarding first
dates, I believe Forbes has it right that it’s largely
about sex. Not that you must give it up on the first date, but that dates come
down to discovering whether or not you both have that spark of chemistry
between you that ultimately leads to sexual compatibility.
Your
Place Is Clean Or Semi-Clean
I
could not agree with this more!
It
is an absolute turn off if I walk into your place and there is trash
everywhere, it smells and your bathroom looks like an old gas station’s public
restroom.
We
know that cleaning may not be listed as one of your favorite things to do, and
believe it, or not it’s not our favorite thing to do either, but, come on.
NBC News reported on a recent study that found bachelor
pads to have 15 times more bacteria than the homes of bachelorettes.
And,
the grossest part was that seven out of 10 coffee tables in the homes of
bachelors contained coliforms, or bacteria abundant in the feces of
warm-blooded animals. Yes you read that right — traces of poop were found on
coffee tables.
Guys,
women expect you to know how to clean up after yourself. After all, it is not
our one sole purpose in life to pick up after you. So, do yourself a favor and
learn how to scrub a bathroom.
Get
Your Money Straight
Money
is a very sensitive subject and remains in the top two things couples fight
about the most, according to Investopedia.
Though
most of us don’t expect you to be rich by any means, we do, however, expect you
to pull your weight.
Now,
there is nothing wrong with women picking up the check every now and then.
Where things start going south is when that “every now and then” becomes every
single time.
Trust
me, I’ve been there and done that, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll end
up feeling like your boyfriend’s mother, which is never a good thing. I’m all
for taking turns paying for things; keeping things 50/50 or close to it can be
healthy.
Most
women expect to have a guy who can understand his own financial situation
as well as ours.
We
can understand, respect and relate to saving money to better your situation,
however, if you make money and throw it all way buying useless items, then have
the nerve to ask me for more money, it’s not okay.
Knowing
The Right Thing To Say
Now,
this may be an unrealistic expectation women harbor, but alas, it still exists
and even I am guilty of it. Generally, women expect men to know what to say
when we are mad, upset, happy or whatever other emotions we may be going
through.
But,
the truth is, men are the first to admit they don’t fully understand
women. How can they possibly know the right thing to say?
And,
judging from all the articles I found online about “how to understand
women,” “what you should never say to a woman” and “what women really mean,”
this expectation is a lost cause.
My
only advice for men is to try to say the right thing by putting yourself
in her position.
Men
And Their Expectations
When
I asked, “What expectations do you have of women?” at first, I got a lot of
blank stares, like they weren’t sure if it was a trick question.
After
explaining what I meant, I found that most guys were very general about their
expectations.
In
fact, one guy said he didn’t really expect that much because he “knows better.”
Here are the few expectations men told me they had.
Beauty
And Brains
A Harvard
University study found that a beautiful woman’s face can set
off “reward centers” in a heterosexual man’s brain.
This
activity in the section of the brain has been previously associated with food,
drugs and money. No surprise, then, that men love beauty and because of
this, many of us generalize that men only want a “trophy wife.”
However,
a new poll, done by 60 minutes and Vanity Fair, shows that only
1 percent of men claim “physical beauty” to be important.
Now,
I believe that is a fat lie because looks are the first thing that captures our
attention, whether you are a man or a woman. So, it may not be as
important, but I will bet money that it’s more than 1 percent.
It’s
very clear that men put a huge value on both brains and beauty, as well as
expect the women they are interested in to have them.
Some
Level Of Domestication
Now,
I believe this expectation stems back to deep-rooted gender roles.
According
to a survey done by the US Bureau of Labor
Statistics, 82 percent of women spend time doing household chores and cooking,
compared to 65 percent of men.
For
the women who believe in 50/50 relationships, this seems like quite a
challenge, although not a surprise.
It’s
always been an expectation that women know how to cook, clean and take care of
the kids. In fact, this expectation is so hardwired that many women
— even some of the most independent — believe they will take on most
of the responsibility when it comes to home life.
NBC News reported
that in a study of 100 undergraduate females, 60 percent believed they would
take on most of the housework.
Sex
It’s
been scientifically proven that men do think about sex more often then women.
Kinsey Institute claims
54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, while only a small 19
percent of women think about sex as much.
When
I asked the guys about this question, none of them really denied wanting to
have sex often, but they all expressed in one way or another that they
obviously wanted their significant others to want to have sex with them.
It’s
completely understandable; both parties should undoubtedly enjoy something as
sensitive as sex in a relationship.
Men
want sex often, however in talking to some, it was clear that most would like
to think they can expect sex regularly, but in reality, know they can’t.
Do
Women Have More Expectations Then Men?
Though
I’ve researched and asked around, there is no definite answer.
Expectations
are so subjective that it’s hard to really calculate.
What
I did find, though, is that women, when asked about expectations,
were more vocal about them and went straight into detail, even giving some
examples through stories.
For
men, though, it was very different. I almost had to pry it out of them and when
they started to open up, much of what they would say was very generalized
and included hardly any detail.
So,
who wins? Well, in my opinion, women do have many expectations, not that
it’s a bad thing.
To
me, it means you know what you want. Men have likely been cautioned not to have
any, or to at least not be vocal about them, for fear of backlash from us,
women.
I personally have
become an avid hot yoga groupie. Over the past few months I have become
addicted to sweating out for 90 minutes with a room full of people while we all
bow down to Namaste. Bikram is a 90-minute yoga class
consisting of 26 asanas or poses, two breathing
exercises. The practice is held in a room heated to 105°F with 40% humidity.
Lets be honest, by the 70 minute mark, I am passed out in the corner in
steady child pose. I have to admit that after each session.. I feel amazing. Refresh and calm. Do not ask me how that is possible after sweating in places that are shocking! 
